The Onion

Fun Toy Banned Because Of 3 Stupid Dead Kids

Press Secretary Spins Wife's Death As A Positive

Onion Explains: The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race Of Skeleton People 🦴💀🦴

Judge Rules White Girl Will Be Tried As Black Adult

Overcome Stress By Visualizing It As A Greedy, Hook-Nosed Race Of Creatures

'9/11 Conspiracy Theories Ridiculous' - Al Qaeda

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

SPONSORED: Groundbreaking Video Game Lets Players Customize Characters' Genetic Code

Courageous Man Refuses To Believe He Has Cancer

China Launches First Willing Manned Mission Into Space

Onion Explains: The Rise Of China

High School For The Performing Arts Student Goes In Depth About Really Weird Peer Pressure

Friends Don't Understand How Man Not Depressed

The Onion's Future News From The Year 2137

All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash

The Onion Film Standard: John Wick: Chapter 4

White Woman Explains Why As An Anti-Racist Ally She Refuses To Say Any Word That Starts With 'N'

"Questions I Get Asked" TikTok Compilation

The Onion Reviews 'The Fast And The Furious'

FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

The Onion Reviews ‘Good Will Hunting’

How To Channel Your Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge

Highlights Of The 2016 RNC

Chinese Gossip Blogger Fights For Freedom To Post Celebrity Up-Skirt Photos

Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized

New Live Poll Lets Pundits Pander To Viewers In Real Time

Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die Someday

Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote Village

Americans Describe What It’s Like Surviving A Mass Shooting

Back Of Library Smells Like Weed

Small Town Throws Pride Parade For Only Gay Resident

Trump Vows To Outlaw Electricity To Secure Powerful Amish Vote | Onion News Network

Demand Grows For Stricter Transit Regulations After Derailing Train Hits Airplane At 30,000 Feet

The Booker Monroe Story: The First African-American To Use A Whites-Only Glory Hole

Republicans Stalling Obama's Agenda By Speaking, Moving In Slow Motion

Texas Bans Consensual Sex

Ariana Grande Fact: Did You Know?

Boys Tragic Death Could Have Happened To Any Family With 20-Foot Pet Python

✝️ Incredible ✝️

Israel Unveils New Defense System To Deflect Accusations Of Human Rights Violations

Onion Explains: The Rise Of China Pt. 3

Olympic Village Tour: See Where The Athletes Live, Train And Fuck Each Other

Is Our Wealth Hurting Africa's Feelings?

Hurricane Ashley Expected To Strike Several Bars This Cinco De Mayo

China Celebrates Status As Number One Polluter

Google Shuts Down Gmail For Two Hours To Show Its Immense Power

Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere

Today Now! Host Starts Charity To Rid World Of Flying Debris

Expert Wasted Entire Life Studying Anteaters

The police handled this one perfectly 👏 💙