4 STEPS of Nonviolent Communication. Effective Communication
How to apply the method of nonviolent communication in practice. Below are sample conversations.
Nonviolent communication consists of a simple method for transparent, empathetic conversation, consisting of four steps:
Observations
Feelings
Needs, not strategies
Requests
Seeks to find a way to give everyone present what is important to them, without using blame, insults, shame, coercion, or threats. This type of communication is useful in conflict resolution, connecting with others, and in conscious living, in the present moment, for those attuned to the true needs of life for themselves and others.
Conversation Samples
Sentence Templates
Sometimes memorizing templates can help you create a conversation outline:
"Are you feeling ______ because you need _______?" Express empathy so that you can fill in the blanks, and perhaps then see the situation from the other person's perspective.
"Are you angry because you think ____?" Anger is caused by thoughts like, "I think you lied" or "I think I deserve more than just doing X." Unpack this thought, and you'll get closer to understanding your core need.
"I'm wondering if you're feeling ____" is another way to show empathy without asking a direct question. This expression makes it clear that it's just your guess, not an attempt to analyze the other person or evaluate their feelings. Soften the expression of your feelings and needs with phrases like, "If you could, how about, maybe it would be, perhaps…"
"I see ____" or "I hear ____" is a way to verbalize what you see so clearly that the other person understands it's the result of observation.
"I think ____" is a way to express a thought so that it sounds like a thought that could change if you hear new information or an idea.
"Would you like ____?" is an explicit way of making a request. "Would you like this if I ____?" is a way of offering to meet a need while allowing the other person to take responsibility.
A general template for all four steps might be: "I see ___. I feel ___ because I sense a need for ___. Would you like to ____?" Or, "I see ____. You feel ___ because you need ____?" Therefore, "Would it satisfy your desires if I ____?" or stating your own feelings and needs by asking the question.
Sincerely. Kateryna Striy
Neuropsychologist, Head of the Kyiv Neuropedagogy Center
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