Why Setting Goals Can Make Successful Men Miserable
Why can setting goals make successful people unhappy? How do you set goals without becoming obsessed with achievement, sacrificing your family or losing yourself in the process? Goal setting has been a huge part of my success in sport and business, but as a high achiever I've discovered a problem: when I set a goal, I don't just commit to it. I become consumed by it.
For years, I believed ambitious goals, discipline and relentless focus were essential for success. They helped me build businesses, achieve results and coach thousands of people. But that same goal-setting mindset could destroy my work-life balance, take me away from my family and turn me into someone I didn't particularly like.
Today, one of my biggest fears is setting another big goal.
Not because I'm afraid of failing.
I'm afraid of who I become when I'm determined to succeed.
When I set a goal, I go all in.
Not 100%.
200%.
Morning, noon and night, that goal can become my entire focus.
And that's something I've had to confront while working through The Drift.
I still believe goals are incredibly important.
After coaching more than 25,000 people collectively and individually across 14 countries, I've seen how powerful goal setting can be.
Goals keep you moving.
They give you direction.
They help you achieve things you might never achieve otherwise.
But I've realised that ambitious people shouldn't have ONE goal dominating their lives.
We need three.
PERSONAL GOAL.
Before the business target, set a goal that's purely for you.
Something enjoyable.
Something that gives you satisfaction.
Something that doesn't have to prove anything to anybody.
FAMILY GOAL.
Make connection with your family an actual priority.
That could mean a family activity every week.
Dinner together.
Coffee with your wife every morning.
Whatever it is, treat that commitment as seriously as you would a business target.
BUSINESS OR CAREER GOAL.
Then set the ambitious professional goal.
Build something.
Increase your income.
Grow the business.
Progress in your career.
But make sure that goal aligns with the life you actually want.
Because there's a danger ambitious people don't always recognise.
We can become so obsessed with achieving one goal that we don't notice what we're sacrificing along the way.
You achieve the target.
Then you look behind you and realise you weren't present for the people you were supposedly doing it all for.
That's something I don't want to repeat.
My personal goal matters.
My family goal matters.
My business goal matters.
Success isn't about abandoning ambition.
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⏱️ CHAPTERS
00:00 Why I'm Scared to Set Goals Again
00:37 When Goal Setting Becomes an Obsession
01:15 Why Goals Are Important for Success
01:47 Goal 1: Set a Personal Goal
02:18 Goal 2: Set a Family Goal
02:52 Goal 3: Set a Business or Career Goal
03:28 When Ambition Destroys Your Work-Life Balance
04:04 How to Set Goals Without Losing Yourself
❓ FAQ
Why can goal setting make you unhappy?
Goals can create direction and motivation, but problems can develop when achievement becomes your entire focus. If every other area of life becomes secondary to reaching a target, success can come at the expense of happiness, relationships and personal fulfilment.
How do you set goals without becoming obsessed?
Create goals across different areas of your life rather than allowing one professional goal to dominate everything. Personal, family and business goals can help you protect the things that matter while still pursuing ambitious targets.
What goals should successful people set?
I now believe in three categories: a personal goal, a family goal and a business or career goal. The important part is treating all three as genuine priorities rather than allowing the business goal to automatically come first.
Why do high achievers become obsessed with goals?
Ambitious people can connect achievement with identity, progress and self-worth. That can make switching off difficult and create a constant desire to keep working until the goal has been reached.
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