Caring for Others and Ourselves
Allison J. Applebaum, clinical psychologist and author, and Sonya Dolan, Co-founder of Mettle Health, host an interactive discussion on all things caregiving. Being a caregiver has both beauty and heartache. We'll cover changes in roles and relationships, advocating for others as well as caring for yourself.
We discuss:
0:00 Introductions
3:40 How does a relationship change when illness enters the picture? How does the patient/caregiver dynamic change over time from diagnosis on? The emotional support that was previously present, may no longer be there, and that’s a loss
6:19 The concept of the “role-reversal” when caring for a parent - how can you stay connected to the original relationship?
8:27 Naming the change in the dynamic - what do you miss now that the focus has shifted?
9:52 What can caregivers do to build in self-care? Self care is about preserving energy and setting boundaries
11:38 Why communication is a huge part of the caregiving experience. A caregiver is a broker of information. To be a caregiver means you have to know another person, and to know them, you have to speak with them.
16:18 Naming the intense responsibility that goes along with being a caregiver - it can feel like someone else’s life is in your hands
19:30 Suggestions for best practices in communicating with medical professionals and clinicians on your team - audio recording with your person is a great way to capture what they want and confirm that you are making the right decisions
22:05 Communicating with other family members or friends who might be questioning decisions and wanting information.
23:05 Using the X,Y,Z Technique for communicating
25:06 How caregiving duties can become a person’s identity. Imporatnt to answer the question of “who am i?” from the perspective of before you were a caregiver
30:47 What happens to your caregiver identity after your person dies?
31:48 What to do when caregiving fills you up in a positive way and after a death you have no one to care for? What are the skills that you picked up during caregiving that you can bring into your new self - what did you learn? How did you grow?
34:29 Sitting with uncertainty is difficult, period.
36:00 Defining “worry” and “rumination”; how they take our energy away from the present
41:20 Gauging success and failure when caring for another person
44:14 Connecting to meaning and purpose through caregiving: suffering and meaning can co-exist
49:23 Attendee question: is “caregiver” the best word? What is the best word to describe someone caring for someone else?
52:57 Suggestions for caregivers who no longer have someone to care for?
55:24 What recommendations do you have for healthcare settings where there isn’t individual caregiver support?
57:55 How did Allison’s experience caring for her parents changer her views on her own end of life or illness experience? What will she do differently for herself?
Check out Allison's Book on caregiving!
https://www.simonandschuster.com/book...