Lisa Corah's entry in Pole Comedy, Pole Theate Sydney 2017
Mike Hunt Vs Viagra
Setting: night time, in the marital home of Mr Hunt and his wife Mandy Hunt.
There is an arm chair between the two poles on stage and random pill bottles dotted around the stage.
Visual aids: potential projected/background screen showing phallic-like images growing (i.e. close up of a bunch of men’s crotches).
Costume: work shirt and y-fronts.
Props: arm chair, pill bottles, remote control, empty VB beer can.
Plot
Mike Hunt is a typical middle-aged man. He spent his days working as a plumber and his nights guzzling victoria bitters glued to any sporting event that graces the screen in front of his drab arm chair. Mike’s wife Mandy has been insisting for weeks upon weeks for him to spice up their tired boudoir patterns by taking the mighty plunge into the deep end of ‘assisting’ pharmaceuticals. Mike’s heard of this zipper-popping pill, but is not convinced it will live up to its magical name or that he even needs the damn thing! But his curiosity grows, and ultimately he loses all hesitation when Mandy dangles a teasing lusty pole show if Mike and his little man ‘stand to attention’. We join Mike in this epic battle with the ‘ups & downs’ of his new found friend, Viagra.
Script
Mike Hunt is on stage in an arm chair, watching a rugby game, slamming back vbs and yelling at the ref, scratching my balls and pretty much doing all the disgusting things men do that we usually witness.
Lighting: the stage is dark with a spotlight on the armchair
Sound: Mike changing TV channels (e.g. sport game)
Routine (around 10 seconds): Mike is slouched down in the chair, legs open. Beer in one hand. Other hand on his tighty whities. Loud, big hand gestures reacting to the sound effects of the TV.
Offstage, there is the sound of a door opening and Mandy’s voiceover tempts Mike with something no man can resist—watching her do a sexy pole show with the possibility of sex after.
Routine: At first Mike pretends to care but is focused on the TV … until Mandy mentions the possibility of sex. He perks up with an excited expression! He does a short ‘touch down’ peacocking style dance around the chair. It’s been a while.
Then… “Later tonight, why don’t you try that little blue pill Dr Stevens gave you…?” Mandy’s voiceover insists.
Routine: Mike stops in his tracks, lets out a big sigh and slumps dramatically back down into the chair. (A voiceover plays of Mike groaning)
Mike’s voiceover replies to Mandy, complaining, “My man can stand on his own”. He resists for a moment, but like all well-trained men eventually gives in as he is lucky to be getting any at all.
Routine: Mike is throwing a tantrum: slapping his leg, jiggling his leg and throwing his arms up before giving in and grabbing the pill bottle.
Mike pops the pill, thinking nothing could possibly happen only to be completely taken over by a surge of blood flow and mammal-like instincts.
Routine: leading from the chair-based routine. Once Mike pops this pill it’s like his pants come alive and he’s not him anymore. Mike’s pants are in control of him and he hip thrusts and pops forward off the chair, into the floor where his penis drags him through floor-based dance moves. This routine is about Mike’s penis.
At this point Mike has copious amounts of energy, dry humping and position posing all over the stage and poles.
Routine: Mike starts with a pass on the pole but quickly comes back to the arm chair and when the song hits the beat he jumps up on the chair ripping off his work shirt and exposing a very hairy chest.
Mike does a pole pass and reaches the top of one of the poles just as he hears a sound effect like a manly balloon deflating (Mike is losing his boner).
Mike is shocked and completely devastated. He tries to revive his little man with a few ‘hand techniques’, but nothing works.
Mike descends to the ground showing that he’s wondering: where the hell did Mandy put that other bottle?! He is frantic! Every bottle he finds is wrong, and there isn’t one wondrous blue pill to be found.
Routine: Mike drops towards the bottom of the pole and flip off on to the stage. Mike does a few moves, e.g.: rolls, slides towards a stack of bottles, scrambling dramatically around the stage overreacting, clutching his manhood.
The music matches his panic, and just before the time runs out (beat drops) he finds the full bottle and bathe himself in every last one of them! He’s energised to get back on the pole and go for round two (do another pass).
Ultimately the routine ends with Mike’s heart giving out from a substantial amount of Viagra but his big old-fashion boner lives loud and proud to see another day.
High-pitched voice over of Mandy saying “I’m reeeeady.”
But Mike is dead.
End.