You Didn't Ask For That ~ VENT(ish)? ~ (TW- Grooming)
Ok so first of all, a few things to add clarity.
1- I had posted this a month ago to my Instagram. I don't have content to upload right now, so I'm uploading a couple things I only posted there.
2- This is a vent, mostly because it is a real thing that happened to me and it still hurts me. I am not asking for sympathy: I am almost 21 years old and I do my best to not expose my audience to my feelings, so they don't feel like they have to comfort me.
3- I am posting this for awareness above all else, as my audience are children.
4- Comments are disabled so I don't get a ton of "I support you/I care you" I appreciate it, but I don't need it ^^!
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The audio and video speaks for itself. Unfortunately, I have had to come to terms within the past year that from 14-17, I had an egregiously inappropriate relationship with someone 11 years my senior. As the audio implies, there was a clear power dynamic between us. He knows about my social media, so I am being vague on purpose.
I was his emotional lapdog. He'd come cry to me, and I'd comfort him. He'd vent, and I was expected to quell any concerns he had with himself, his self-image, and his life. I knew way too much about his relationships (wayy too much). I realized that I had garnered romantic feelings for him when I was 16. By that time, the only way we could communicate was online, and the cycle was the same.
COVID really stunted this, thank GOD. By the time I got into college at 17, things got a bit more weird. After I met my (now) fiance, he did what he had always done to me before: found a partner and pretended as if I was just "a kid he taught for two years." If I had not found my fiance Sami, I do not know what would've happened, and that is scary.
I still have disturbing realities I have to face because of this. The relationship, whatever it was, was incredibly twisted and disgusting. He put so many things into my head, even about my fiance, that it has caused me to experience disillusion to reality. I have talked to multiple therapists, all of which have been the one to bring up the g-word when it comes to him.
Grooming does not always lead to physical relations. There are steps to grooming, and it is important to realize when these steps are taking place so that you /don't/ get led to do nsfw things. Those steps were followed here.
I am writing this out because I am begging those who are under 18 to learn the signs and recognize them. More importantly, figures in your school are not your FRIENDS. They cannot BE your friends until after you graduate. You should not be messaging them outside of school, you should not have access to ANY of that. Please.
(and for anyone who is worried, I am getting mental health treatment, do not worry)
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Thank you for understanding and TYSM for watching!