When A Wife Had An Affair Before Marriage
Does your wife hand an affair before you got married? Watch Paul tells you what you should think of, and what you should do so the past can longer affects the new you.
My wife had an affair before marriage, or I'm the wife and I had an affair before I got married.
I'm going to talk about both of these. I want to share with you some of the ideas that I have that may help you through this.
Let's begin with if you're the wife and you had an affair before you got married and I'm not sure
exactly why you call it an affair but there's a principle that I rely on, and some people don't agree with this. I'll be open with you about that and I think they're making a big mistake. They have this principle that when you get married everything is full disclosure and I say no. And the reason why I say no is because as human beings we have individual consciousness and we have free will. It's a tremendous gift. This individual consciousness gives us the right to roam in our mind
and do a lot of things in our mind that we wouldn't do in real life. I'm going to take that a step further.
As human beings, we are constantly evolving or we should be. To me that's an obligation that you should be constantly watching your mind checking your thoughts, banishing the habits
that are detrimental to your life and your marriage and incorporating new ones. This should be an ongoing thing. I introspect literally every single morning. Some people do it every single night,
some people do it more often where you take a look at your mind, the status of your mind and you say, "What am I doing?" Having these thoughts and you go, "Why do I have these thoughts?
What is my thinking?" And you take control over your mind whether you do it at night or in the
morning it should become something that you do if it's not something you already do.
So because we are progressing as human beings and if you're doing this you are progressing. You're becoming a better and better person literally every single day of your life through observation of your mind, of your thoughts and ideas and feelings and then taking advantage of this awareness that you have of yourself and you should be dispassionate and making these changes you're progressing. As a person who's progressing what happened in your past does not reflect who you are. Who you were in the past is not who you are today.
If you talk about yourself things that you did, you're revealing the traits of a person who no longer exists in a way it's producing a false image of you. And so, you should not do that but
you should be changing. You should recognize that that person who had an affair, what were the qualities of that person (you) that allowed that to happen. Those qualities have to change but
you have no obligation to reveal that past. And if your husband brought it up because he heard about it your response should be, "I am no longer that person. Here is what I've done and here's what I'm doing to change myself so that kind of thing doesn't happen," but don't BS him or her.
Make sure you're doing something that is truly changing you.
Now you're the husband and you found out your wife has had an affair. Pretty much same rules apply. Now if she has not changed watch out, but are you calling it an affair legitimately? If you weren't married it's not an affair. There's a process that we go through when we meet each other. First, we date we're determining whether this is someone you want to go further with then you court where you're really examining one another and not until you're engaged.
Is there a question of loyalty that comes into play?
Once you're engaged the loyalty because you've decided so you need to be sure, you need to be
clear. Now if this question is coming up there's a reason for it and my suggestion is you write
into our counselors to get some direction. It's a free service but write in and get some direction from us because there's so many variables depending on so many variables that I don't want to mislead you in a general video. I hope this has been helpful -- I do.
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