Dealing With Abuse When You Dont Have A Support System | Alternative To Support
If you're navigating abuse without support, this video on emotional withdrawal and reclaiming control may help next: • When a Narcissist is Nice... It’s a Setup!...
The support system can consist of many different types of people. They might be friends, family members, co-workers, religious members, or any other person you feel like you can rely on and discuss things with.
There are many reasons why someone might not have a support system. One reason could be they already have few friends and family and don’t have many people to choose from to serve as a support network. Another reason is asking for support from others requires vulnerability and trust. If someone doesn’t feel comfortable being vulnerable and trusting others, then they are unlikely to ask for support from others. They are isolating themselves from a support network because of difficulty trusting.
Another primary reason people don’t have a support network is because their abuser has cut them off from those around them. This is often done by the abuser as a way to further control the victim. When the victim has no one to rely on but the abuser, the abuser can more easily manipulate and control. When the victim has no one to turn to, the abuser can be physically and emotionally abusive without concern for intervention by someone else. However, the abuser might also use the lack of support network as a way to appear nice and helpful to the victim. The abuser may provide gifts and love so the victim feels like the abuser is being supportive and this strengthens the trauma bond which keeps the victim in the relationship longer.
A last reason someone might not have a support network is because the support network they once had has made the decision to no longer be involved because they don’t accept the decisions made by the victim. This is often seen when a victim remains in a knowingly abusive relationship that their support system doesn’t agree with them remaining in. Their support system may have at one time been supportive and understanding but has become disappointed and upset with the decision to stay the victim has made. As a result, the support network chooses to no longer be involved in the victim’s life.
So, if you don’t have a support network and you are in an abusive relationship, what do you do? There are a few options you can consider as you work to build up a support network.
One thing you can do is look outside of your immediate network and consider co-workers and acquaintances that you have seen help others. If you have someone around you who appears to be a carer and looks out for others, try to build a relationship with them. Some people enjoy helping whoever they can, and you might bring them a sense of value by allowing them to be part of your support network.
A second thing you can do to start to build up your support network is volunteer. When you volunteer, you find a sense of purpose in your own life, and also surround yourself with others who like to help. These people can become part of your support network, even if only during the times in which you are volunteering.
The last way to build up your support network that I will discuss today is to remember that you are an important part of your support network. You are capable of so much and don’t underestimate the value you can add to your own life by using your inner strength. You can use self-help books, keep a journal, work on getting good sleep and eating well, or take a class. And lastly, remind yourself everyday that you are not to blame for the abuse. The abuser is 100% responsible for the abuse, no matter what they tell you. No one deserves to be abused and only abusers are responsible for the abuse.
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