How Do I Know What Stage My Husband's Affair Is In?
Our live caller explains, “My husband is in a long-distance emotional affair… but he and I are best friends. We communicate, he doesn’t vilify me, he’s tender and loving, but it still feels like he’s in stage 3 of limerence… His affair partner is coming again in a couple weeks, and I feel like he’s going to shoot back into phase 2 when she returns.”
She asks, “Can you tell if a long-distance affair is in phase 3 of limerence?
Dr. Joe Beam explains, you cannot know what “phase” a person is in because the phases of limerence aren’t always linear. There is a general arc/pattern the phases take, but it’s also possible for people to move between phases. Those who experience limerence will GENERALLY experience what we describe, but sometimes they may not experience vilification, rewriting history, etc.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what specific stage her husband is in, because the things she’s doing won’t change- she needs to continue to FOCUS on herself and what she can control- not focusing on her spouse and what he’s doing and not basing her happiness on another person.
We hope you’re able to put the marriage back together, but here are some other questions to consider...
What does success look like to you? Is it that your spouse is responding to you? Or, is it that you’re becoming a better person- able to handle the situation no matter what the circumstances are?
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