Caught kid watching porn | Encore
Source:
https://www.podbean.com/eau/pb-xtttf-...
Episode 46 - Caught kid watching porn
"Dear Torie, I am so upset. I just walked in on my 9 year old son. He was looking at our lap top and shut it as soon as I came in the room. I asked him what he was looking at and he said “nothing”. When I looked up the browsing history it was very clear he was watching porn. Not just any porn either, but 3-way super inappropriate born. I am so upset that this is first introduction to understanding what sex is. I know he will never be able to un-see the images he saw. How am I supposed to tell him about how sex is a special thing that happens between two people who really love each other? I want him to have a healthy sexual attitude but am mortified that this was his introduction to it. I feel like his innocence has been ruined." Tama
Parent Educator Answer:
I have been teaching classes on how to talk to kids about sex since the 1990’s. It’s amazing how much has changed around this topic when sex itself has not changed at all.
The frequency with which kids seeing online porn is probably the most significant and disturbing change to have occurred.
Sometimes, kids seek it out, sometimes they stumble upon it by accident, other times friends share it with them.
Either way, it can be hard for a parent to know what to say and how to handle catching a kid watching porn.
In this situation, there are a few points I suggest you address with your 9-year-old son.
1. ACKNOWLEDGE HIS CURIOSITY.
When our kids ask us questions we don’t know the answer to, it’s pretty easy for them to “Google it” or “Ask Siri”. “What’s the capitol of Bulgaria?” “Ask Alexa”. “What’s the weather going to be like on vacation? “Look it up”.
So it’s no surprise when kids hear something about sex at recess, they take to the internet to find the answer. We know he was the one searching out sexual content because of the search history.
Letting your son know that it's really normal at age 9 to be curious about the human body (especially the opposite sex) and how it works would help put him at ease.
Tell him it would have been ok for him to come to you with his questions and that you are going to buy him some books with factual, age-appropriate information and answer any questions he might have.
The message you want to communicate is there is nothing wrong with being curious about sex.
I have an online sex education class, “Time for the Talk” that I designed for parents to watch with their 9-12 year old son or daughter. You can purchase this class at www.TimeforTheTalk.com and also receive a list of books I recommend for different ages.
2. MAKE A HOUSE RULE ABOUT PORN.
Tell your child that there is something called pornography that he stumbled upon, that is different than what real people do in the privacy of their bedrooms. “Media sex” is fake. It’s designed to be shocking and exaggerated as a way to make money. It is very different than the kind of sex real people have who are in intimate relationship with one another.
Let him know that it is against the law to show pornography to a minor and a kid watching porn is thus not allowed.
You can tell your child,
"Allowing pornography to be viewed in our house by you or any other minor is punishable under federal law. Therefore, your Dad and I will not allow pornography to be viewed in our house. We understand that you can find all sorts of inappropriate content online and we hope you will make good decisions going forward. If we find out that you have been watching it here (or with friends), we will further restrict your internet access in order to keep you safe."
3. TELL HIM TO FOLLOW HIS INSTINCTS.
Instincts are designed to keep us safe. Tell him,
"When I walked into the room, you immediately jumped up and shut the computer. These were your instincts telling you that what you were watching was not appropriate. If it had been something interesting in a healthy way or funny in a healthy way, you would have said, “Mom, come here, you gotta see this!” Instead you shut it down like it was on fire and ran away as fast as you could. Your higher self knew you shouldn’t have been watching this and I want to encourage you to learn to listen to these instincts."
Life Coaching Answer:
What gets in our way from being able to have this conversation? Nerves! It’s uncomfortable to talk about these subjects when we didn’t get great modeling from our parents!
Most of us didn’t have an example set for us that we want to emulate, nor did we have the issue of online porn to contend with. If we had seen our parents handle it a way that felt comfortable, it would be much easier for us to know what to do.
Many parents worry about doing it wrong. We don’t know what to say or how to say it, so we end up just saying nothing at all.
We get afraid that we will make it worse or cause our kid to react in an awkward way. It’s this fear that keeps us giving