09.07.17 S.H.E 爱的3温暖-Hebe 《眼泪的记忆》 (translation included)
This is such a long translation...
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The Memory of Tears
Tears storage.
People said that Heaven has assigned how many things a person could have in his/her life. For example, the size of the "wealth storage". Some people could be born with a silver spoon, but some people could be poor for their whole life.
The amount of love people may have also seemed to be assigned. Some people have a large "love storage". They received a lot of love from family, friends, lover and the whole world loves them.
Some people have been assigned with a smaller "love storage". It is so small that it can only contain very little love. When the space in the storage is full, they have to take out the love inside to give to others, so to free up the space to receive more love.
"Tears storage" (the amount of tears a person could have) must be also been assigned.
If not the amount of my tears would not be so little, and I always can't cry. My mother said that I love to cry when I was an infant, hence I'm sure that my tears have been used up that time. It is just like an ignorant mountain climber, who breathed very hard from the oxygen tank when he was at the lower latitude, thus used up all the oxygen when he was at the higher latitude when he most needs it. This is probably the scenario for my 'tears storage'. When I was filming, I always could not cry. This is due to my logical mind. Why must I cry like it's the end of the world with this scenario when just be a bit of sadness will do. The more logical I am, the harder is it for me to cry. My two sisters are big and small Liu Xue Hua (an actress who excel in crying). When the three of us are met with very touching moments, they will cry hard. For me, I'm also very touched, the skin on my whole body will be filled with goosebumps, but I just can't cry! Or maybe subconsciously I would think it is very touching, but i'll ponder is it to the extent of crying?
Ever since I can understand this world, I handled myself like a man, who will never cry easily. I don't like to cry in front of people and media because it will worry my parents. Hence, I trained myself not to cry. If I want to cry, I would hide and cry alone. The reasons for my crying is very nonsensical, so I am embarrassed to talk about it. If I let my parents know about my tears, they will worry unnecessarily, hence I won't cry.
When I was studying, I thought of the reasons for living in this world. I imagined people coming to this world alone, living in a floating bubble, and when the bubble burst, people will die off. This unsettled me, and I hid in the blanket and cry.
During promotion periods, I realised that I am not suitable to handle the media. I feel that I'm not liked, and hence my work with them is very torturing. But I still feel that it's my duty to do the promotions. So, I'll hide in my room or in the shower to cry out to relieve the stress.
When I'm in love, I'll cry over small things, things so small that I can't remember what I'm crying about. What an idiot I am.
In these two years, my "blockage-of-lachrymal-gland disease" is slightly better. When I'm watching a touching movie, I can squeeze out a tear or two. When I read a touching book, I can cry silently, hence not depreciating the author's effort. Some songs about family, such as Jiang Hui's "the sound of raindrops" or Liang Jing Ru's "the pain that breathe", made me refuse to seriously ponder about the lyrics, if not my "manly tears" will dampen the cheerful atmosphere of a KTV gathering. That will be atrocious! Maybe it's because of my incessant and illogical crying during childhood period that made my mother's life difficult, Heaven made me logical and sensitive. Now when I want to cry I cannot cry or dare not cry.
Heaven, you are so playful!
she s.h.e selina hebe ella