a spiral dead crab apple tree landscaping idea
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a conversation happened in the house: i have roommates. it was about porn, after a discussion on the navy term for a "saltine cracker" w/- (h- ) a- t/t- e- ve- r- ( e- d-). I raised my leg high over my head and stated i would rather eat a saltine cracker than watch dip-shit being a dip-shit for a dip-shit, and getting paid more than me.
don was there, who i am 'dating' and he didn't say anything. my 'actions' ie active, determined conversation dispersed the giddy alcohol injected conversationalists, which was fine by me, although i also felt ... you know, abandoned in integrity. Anyway, I worked on my ass (p) i r (h) e a L/L ... (h) and then the thoughts kept coming.
I spoke with don about the porn conversation and that I don't want to be apart of it. and that i noticed the awkward dispersal, and he assured me i got my point across, however i was like, you know, why do i have to then be the misfit, b.c. it is obvious this conversation about porn was already land- granted - in- n- and i had to say something on his premise b.c. he - t- didn't. further he said he would say something to so-w/-(h-) and- (s-) 0- w/e- (re-) d- and i walked away back to the A spire.... and i realized in all his jealousy that i go to work in the trades (building, with mostly men) that, his jealousy was fake as me speaking my value, he didn't, is not his value ... for a relationship. His jealousy is an emotional manipulation that is not nice, nor thought full, nor plainly necessary. It is a distracting pull on my value for no re ass (t) 0/n e. again he-t- didn't care to do my work : w/0'r (t/h ~ d) k : ort is a meal ~ is a me a L/L (D) e t 0/0 t/h f e/e (L) D ~ h a(n)d f i(e) L/L (h) D : filled filed field ~ c (h) a s/s t (h) e (a) d e/b (i) t 0/0 t/h (d) e a L/L (h) D.
nit is, lice sew eg gs on your hair next to your scalp. nit is 'like' 'fine' sentiment detached from the re all, from the r(h)e aLL (s) a w/0'r (t/h) D ~ (Kn) ew/e i.d. nit is "like" "fine" sentiment detached from real w/0 r (t/h ~) D.
further, the porn fueled conversation by the mistreated person that was sexually abused by her dad... i couldn't escape the fact that she is actually staging her abuse, and that this convo about porn "etc" is a titilating distraction, at best to-o- L- (h- ) and- (bu- ) e- ye-- (a- ) t-
honestly f**king never happened by and buy 2 that are red to restore t- (h-) 0-r- e- d-
t- 0- w/-(h- ) 0-r- e- (a- ) d- (g- )(s- us- ) e- w/e- (re- ) d- e/b- (i- ) t- 0/0- t- he- re- (d- ) s- (t- ) 0-re- (d- ) g-g- (0-d- ) ew/e- (re- ) d-
i will make note too, as i multi task and clean up a lot, particularly on my time off, and i am a new occupant here, and i am like, umm , i pull the dishes out of the dishwasher that haven't been rinsed of food and debris (indicating a series of short-cuts- to mock integrity, to feed all as a value able service of being pre sent) (all i am saying is i do thought full work AND no one is doing that for me in reverse i.d.) ( i do good and thoughtful work to completion e ve (in) n d e ve (in)n (d)(kn) ew/e i.d. & i get - (b- ) ass- k- (r- ) ew/e- (re- ) d-
kinda tired of being provisional for every ones comfort that doesn't give my value back, and shits on nit- 0/0- L- (be- ) ass- (k- ) t- (b- ) up- (t- ) ass- (k- ) t- (h- ) e- (a- ) d- (g-) ew/e- (re- ) d-
a conversation was floated to me about the hot tub being dirty, and that "every one should rinse" and i am like, i take 2 to 3 showers a day, doing this muddy work, and i floated the conversation back, maybe that person should talk to the right people about this, ie her guests.
not trying to pick a fight here. i simply am unable to not process facts (t) (h) and looking (t) at (h) at 0/0 t(h) a'd ew/e i.d. I also mentioned, ye-we- (re-)(d-) don't know me very well.
honestly, i don't want to hear about your f*king relationships - (n- ) i/t- has nothing to do with me i.d.. : has nothing to do with the conscientious work i do t 0/m e i.d.
further, i don't need don to speak for me, for my value (w/e) i.d. e (b) t- 0 - w/- (h- ) an- (d- ) ye- b/b- 0- d- e- ye- (a- ) t-
Look = L0 0k = L (h) 0/0 k it is a trigger for me to be/e f- x- f- (r- ) e- (e- ) d- financially e s- (p- ) ea- k- i/n- (e- ) g-g- (e- ) t- (h- ) rue- w/e- (re- ) d- (g- )(s-u/s- ) ew/e- (re- ) d- financially speaking- (e- ) t- (u-b- )re- ad- h-a- (n- ) d- (0- ) b-(r- ) e- (a- ) d- (g- )(s-u/s- ) ew/e- (re- ) d- e/b- (i- ) t- (b- ) a- (re-g- ) gain- (d- )(h- ) ad- e/b- (i-) t- hie- ven- d- s- (p- )(L- ) an- d- (h- ) e- re- (a- ) d-
financially speaking ye-we- (re-) d- did (kn) 0/t (c) 0/n ce (i') ve i.d. ew/e i.d.
staging your abuse (i ) d- to get - ( i / t- ) a- "gain" wile - vain- n- (kn- ) ew/e- (re- ) d- (s- ) ew/e- (re- ) d- e/b- (i- ) t- (b- ) ass- k- (r ) ew/e (re- ) d- (g- ) ew/e- (re - ) d-