TS/QL - Dirty Reads (Done Dirt Cheap) Live at Data Moshpit 2023
Live from Maschinenhaus der KulturBrauerei in Berlin, the first and likely only performance of Dirty Reads (Done Dirt Cheap) by TS/QL.
Lyrics:
If you're having trouble with your query plan
It's giving you the blues
You wanna report, but performance drags
Here's what you gotta do
Click on the code, in edit mode
Type WITH any time
Just type, N-O, L-O, C-K, hey
The speed will blow your mind
Dirty reads (done dirt cheap)
Dirty reads (done dirt cheap)
Dirty reads (done dirt cheap)
Dirty reads and they're done dirt cheap
Dirty reads and they're done dirt cheap
You got a query that you used to love?
So slow it breaks your heart?
Too many users and it slows way down
That's when the teardrops start, fella
Pick up the code, set that t-mode
Your query times will fall
Come right in, it’s fast as sin
We'll make your runtime small, hey
Dirty reads (done dirt cheap)
Dirty reads (done dirt cheap)
Dirty reads (done dirt cheap)
Dirty reads and they're done dirt cheap
Dirty reads and they're done dirt cheap
If you got a deadock and you want it gone
But you ain't got the chops
They keep pagin' at you night and day
Each time the batch job stops
Pick up the code, isolation mode
It's time you made a stand
For a fee, I'm happy to be
Your SQL man, hey
Dirty reads (done dirt cheap)
Dirty reads (done dirt cheap)
Dirty reads (done dirt cheap)
Dirty reads and they're done dirt cheap
Dirty reads and they're done dirt cheap
SQL Trace
Table locks, CTE (done dirt cheap)
Latch waits, slow io
No snapshots! (done dirt cheap)
Dirty reads (read anything you want me to)
Done dirt cheap
Dirty reads (dirty deeds, dirty deeds)
Done dirt cheap