A New Pin — Or the Ballad of the New CTO
A power-pop song about DORA metrics, visionary CTOs, and the corporate artifacts we leave behind.
From the album "A Brief History of System Failures – Vol. 1"
Released by Stale Branch Records.
--- Chapters
0:00 Elevator
0:15 Song starts
3:54 End
--- Lyrics
"It's 4:15.
Pete's already got his coat on.
And then... the elevator dings."
The office was quiet, the servers were fine
We were counting the minutes to the finish line
It's Steve’s first week, but he knows it best
With a "DORA Metric" pinned to his chest.
Oh, Steve is a visionary!
Steve is the king of the flow!
He’s got a buzzword for everything he doesn't know!
Steve is hitting the gas,
Steve’s gonna fix it all fast!
He came with a brilliant, such a novel idea,
"Deploy all the changes, let’s get out of here!"
We’d begged for the time to fix the technical debt,
But there is no time, budget, or green light yet.
Oh, Steve is a visionary!
Steve is the king of the flow!
He owns a roadmap that’s there just for the show!
Steve is hitting the gas,
Steve’s gonna fix it all fast!
"I’m the CTO—just hit 'Deploy'!"
"Main is for shipping, not for a toy!"
"Friday is nothing but a state of the mind,"
"Now fall into step and get aligned!"
By Saturday morning the app wouldn't load,
Four-oh-four errors in full-panic mode.
Steve’s firing emails with all in CC,
He hints to replace us with his old consultancy.
Oh, Steve is a visionary!
Steve is the king of the flow!
He’s got a buzzword for everything he doesn't know!
Steve is hitting the gas
Steve’s gonna fix it all fast!
By Monday the email was sent to the staff
"Steve’s seeking new ventures"—we tried not to laugh
"No-Deploy-Friday" is back on the wall
'Cause "Best Practices" suck when you lose it all.
Oh, Steve is a visionary!
Steve is the king of the flow!
He’s gone to disrupt a new place we don't know!
Steve is hitting the gas
Steve, you were gone so fast!
Oh, Steve is a visionary!
Steve is the king of the floor!
But we still have no time to refactor the code!
We're still piling up debt
Steve, we got your pin framed!
(Oh, Steve is a visionary!)
(Steve is the king of the flow!)
(He’s gone to disrupt a new place we don't know!)
---
#programming #CTO #devhumor #softwareengineering #power-pop