TALK 163 FEELING INCOMPETENT AS A DEFENSIVE WEAPON
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Many times you have noticed that someone pretends to be incompetent to avoid doing certain tasks or activities, you have found yourself faced with the situation that you have to assume responsibility for the other because they pretend not to know how to do it, or you try to avoid assigning them certain tasks because they tend to do them wrong. This could be the result of incompetence as a defender. This tendency arises when an individual consciously or unconsciously appears to feel helpless to avoid certain tasks or responsibilities in order for others to perform them, which can create an imbalance in the relationship because one person has to make an effort and the other does nothing. This term of defensive incompetence has been gaining greater emphasis according to a Harvard Business magazine, where they describe a trend of incompetence in the work environment, where there are people who cleverly avoid facing conflict and hope that it will detonate itself and create greater chaos. organizational when it could have been avoided if proper attention had been given. It was also detected that some people strategically pretend to be incompetent in tasks that are simple in order to emphasize their attention to more important tasks.
Among some reasons why they use defensive incompetence because apparently:
-helps people avoid responsibilities such as housework, having to take care of children, financial responsibilities or emotional labor.
-Avoid the discomfort of having to deal with tasks that cause them to experience insecurity, doubt, fear, and by relieving themselves of obligations they feel that it reduces their anxiety and offers them a false sense of protection.
-Demanding attention from others by appearing to feel helpless or incapable, for which they receive sympathy, support or consideration
-Maintain control in relationships when there is a severe power imbalance such as in abusive interactions, where they use feigned defensive incompetence to manipulate the other person and maintain control
But the other side of the matter must also be considered, since it is possible that the other person is not pretending but really and genuinely does not know how to do something better. In that case, an individual may truly feel that he is not sufficiently competent at some task, and when expressed, it facilitates reinforcing the dynamic between incompetence versus competence. For example, a person had a privileged childhood in which he never had the need to help with daily housework. On the other hand, they were spoiled by being so spoiled by their parents and never learned how to take care of themselves or stand up for themselves. When a person continues to avoid the tasks to be performed in adulthood, the imbalance will continue and they will never become competent.