Talk About What You Want, Not Feelings, in Romantic Relationships
In our society, there is a lot of emphasis placed on feelings, especially romantic feelings (or their absence) when it comes to dating and romantic relationships. In this video I talk about how all the focus on feelings distracts us from focusing on something that matters more: what each of you actually wants, and whether it is compatible.
I give a number of examples of ways in which the presence or absence of romantic feelings does not necessarily correspond to what a person wants. Some people enjoy having a crush or infatuation from a distance, and don't even want to interact with the object of their crush. Others may be friends with a person, and have romantic feelings for them but not want to act on them for a number of different reasons. On the other end of the spectrum, there are people who might desire a romantic relationship with someone even in the absence of romantic feelings. This is something true for people on the aromantic spectrum; some such people (including myself) can want to be in a romantic relationship and be happy in such relationships, for reasons other than romantic feelings.
I also talk about the importance of "staying out of other people's heads", and how it is more empowering to focus on outward things like what you want out of a relationship. I talk about how asking other people what they are feeling can sometimes come across as invasive, and I caution people about placing the focus on other people's feelings.