Creat Your Own Safety First - Relationship Advise
The tragic mistake I see in so many relational moments is that we wait for our partners to make us feel safe while they are doing the same. One of you has to literally turn on your bodies own safety and grounded mechanisms, so that the dynamic can be broken in that moment.
If you are looking for someone else to meet your needs of safety in relationship, it will likely need to start with you meeting your own safety first.
Where does this happen?
In your own body.
You want to feel safe and loved in your relationships. But what if the first step is making yourself feel safe?
The yogic practice, for this is to feel the weight of your own heart, feel the strength of your own spine, feel the ground solid beneath you, and feel your core essence of infinite consciousness and love.
This is not esoteric…. it is a literal awareness practice.
Sounds radical, but it's a game-changer. First, realize that your partner can't fix your old wounds—you both have to work on that together. It's tough, but it's worth it.
Next, turn inward, build your own feeling of safety and love in the meditative work I describe above.
Once you've got that down, if you have a fullness and grounded depth that you can transmit to your partner. And you'll find something amazing happens: when you can make yourself feel safe, your partner feels it too.
You literally get skillful at using your body and nervous system to down regulate theirs.
And what often happens, is that they'll give that safety right back. It's a two-way street, built on mutual respect and love, as well as embodied responsibility.