How to Build Trust and Safety in a Relationship Now... (Simple Practices)
Creating trust and safety in relationships is the number one thing that most of us crave, need, and want in our lives, but we don't always feel that we have it. So, how do we build it?
I'm Jessica Amos. I'm a mindfulness meditation teacher. I am the founder of Stay With Yourself, which is the practice of being who you are, where you are. Honoring yourself in each moment.
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Oftentimes, in our relationships, we don't feel safe and we don't feel that we can trust other people. And it often feels like our relationships are mostly full of blame, resentment, grief, sadness, unforgiveness and frustration. And we can have those times when we feel deeply connected in our relationships and there is some trust and safety there.
But for many of us, we didn't always feel a sense of trust and safety in our homes growing up. And Here's the key to building trust and safety. The biggest thing is that we have been mostly conditioned from a very young age to not feel safe within ourselves and to not trust ourselves.
That's where co-dependency comes from and people-pleasing comes from. And this whole idea that we need to look outside of ourselves for approval, we need to look outside of ourselves for who we should be because we can't trust who we are.
Right? And there's a lot of reasons for that that I won't really go into because childhood stuff can be a little complicated.
So the number one way to start building trust and safety in your relationships is to start building trust and safety within yourself. A good way to do this is to start practicing boundaries. Often when we feel that other people are violating our boundaries or getting up in our space, it's because we are actually violating our own boundaries. We aren't holding to our boundaries.
Oftentimes, we don't feel safe within ourselves because we are afraid to go within. We're not really sure what is in there, except that we know that we are full of self-blame, self-hate and tons of self-judgment. That, of course, doesn't make us feel safe within ourselves. And if that's the attitude that we're carrying from within, we are going to project that out onto the people around us.
We are going to assume that they are blaming us, judging us and hating us or disliking us in some way. And then when it comes to building trust, again, the way that we build trust with ourselves is that we do what we say we're going to do with ourselves.
So if you say, I really would like to start getting up and taking a walk in the morning, at least a couple of days a week, start doing that, make that promise to yourself and then do it.
That creates consistency and trust with yourself. When you say you're going to do something to care for yourself and then you don't do it, you are automatically creating a system of mistrust with yourself. And I don't mean like go trying to change your whole life in one minute. And doing all the things right now, start really small and start really simple.
So here's a practice I'm going to give you:
I got this from Lisa Nichols. She's fabulous.
She does this practice every night before bed where she does this in the mirror with herself.
You say what you are proud of yourself for.
I am proud of myself for...
You say seven things you're proud of yourself for
Then, you say seven things you forgive yourself for.
I forgive myself for...
And it could be anything like: I cut that person off in traffic or I said that thing and gosh, now I can't stop thinking about it. And I wish I had said it different. And it could be anything that you need to forgive yourself for.
And then seven things that you commit to yourself to.
I commit to myself... That I love myself, that I will take care of myself, that I will this, that or whatever.
It could be really, really simple and basic. So that's a really lovely practice to start building trust and safety with yourself, because really what we feel in our relationships is usually a reflection of what's happening inside.
Other people are just mirrors for us.
If you are resenting other people, you are resenting yourself.
If you are not forgiving other people, it means you're not forgiving yourself.
If you are feeling scared and you don't feel like there's trust and safety it's because you don't feel that you can trust yourself and you don't feel safe within yourself.
If you want more support with this, please reach out!
Talk to you soon.
Jessica Amos
#trustinarelationship #howtobuildtrust #trustissuesinrelationships