SELF PITY PARTY
We all experience pain and sorrow in life.
And although sadness is a normal, healthy emotion, dwelling on your sorrow and misfortune is self-destructive.
Do you respond positively to any of the points below?
You tend to think your problems are worse than anyone else’s.
If it weren’t for bad luck, you’re pretty sure you’d have none at all.
Problems seem to add up for you at a much faster rate than anyone else.
You’re fairly certain that no one else truly understands how hard your life really is.
You sometimes choose to withdraw from leisure activities and social engagements so you can stay home and think about your problems.
You’re more likely to tell people what went wrong during your day rather than what went well.
You often complain about things not being fair.
You struggle to find anything to be grateful for sometimes.
You think that other people are blessed with easier lives.
You sometimes wonder if the world is out to get you.
Can you see yourself in some of the examples above?
Self-pity can consume you until it eventually changes your thoughts and behaviors.
But you can choose to take control.
Even when you can’t alter your circumstances, you can alter your attitude.
WHY WE FEEL SORRY FOR OURSELVES
If self-pity is so destructive, why do we do it in the first place?
And why is it sometimes so easy and even comforting to indulge in a pity party?
Pity was Jack’s parents’ defense mechanism to protect their son and themselves from future dangers.
They chose to remain focused on what he couldn’t do as a way to shield him from having to face any more potential problems.
Understandably, they worried about his safety more than ever.
They didn’t want him to be out of their sight.
And they were concerned about the emotional reaction he might have to seeing a school bus again.
It was only a matter of time before the pity poured on Jack turned into his own self-pity.
It’s so easy to fall into the self-pity trap.
As long as you feel sorry for yourself, you can delay any circumstances that will bring you face-to-face with your real fears, and you can avoid taking any responsibility for your actions.
Feeling sorry for yourself can buy time. Instead of taking action or moving forward, exaggerating how bad your situation is justifies why you shouldn’t do anything to improve it.
People often use self-pity as a way to gain attention.
Playing the “poor me” card may result in some kind and gentle words from others—at least initially.
For people who fear rejection, self-pity can be an indirect way of gaining help by sharing a woe-is-me tale in hopes it will attract some assistance.
Unfortunately, misery loves company, and sometimes self-pity becomes a bragging right.
A conversation can turn into a contest, with the person who has experienced the most trauma earning the badge of victory.
Self-pity can also provide a reason to avoid responsibility.
Telling your boss how bad your life is may stem from hopes that less will be expected from you.
Sometimes self-pity becomes an act of defiance.
It’s almost as if we assume that something will change if we dig in our heels and remind the universe that we deserve better.
But that’s not how the world works.
There isn’t a higher being —or a human being for that matter—who will swoop in and make sure we’re all dealt a fair hand in life.