Why Children Align With the Abusive Parent
In this important conversation, Dr. Christine Cocchiola explains why children living within coercively controlling family systems may align with the abusive or predatory parent — and why that does not mean the child is “bad.”
Children naturally seek:
✨ Freedom
✨ Less structure
✨ More access
✨ Fewer boundaries
And predatory parents capitalize on this.
They offer excessive screen time.
Unlimited gaming.
Few expectations.
Little accountability.
Not because it benefits the child…
But because it weakens attachment to the protective parent.
✨ In this episode, Dr. Christine explores:
• Why children may gravitate toward the parent with fewer rules
• How coercive control manipulates normal childhood desires
• Why alignment is often about survival and safety
• The difference between estrangement and abuse
• How predatory parents lure children through permissiveness
• Why children may choose “freedom” even when they feel unsafe
• Why this behavior does not make a child narcissistic or abusive
• How coercive control masks abuse inside family systems
🩵 If your child is aligning with the abusive parent, it does not mean you failed.
It means your child is navigating an impossible situation with a nervous system trying to survive.
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