🪖🇺🇸 BREAKING: Secretary of War Pete Hegseth has declared victory over the greatest threat to national security… wokeness.
In this AI-generated political satire, Fox News weekend warrior Pete Hegseth storms the Pentagon not with strategy, but with bronzer. As he announces the end of the woke military, he also installs a personal makeup room in the Pentagon and places his wife in charge of reviewing his daily schedule.
“We’ve defeated pronouns,” he proclaims — just before touching up his foundation and posing for the Freedom Fellas calendar.
🎖️ Masculinity has never been so… stage-lit.
🎬 100% fictional. Deeply absurd. But hauntingly plausible.
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