To Whom it May Concern,
I actually had to rewrite the script because I didn't save it...
Hey hey hey, it's p p p p p h donny back with another incessant and self loathing and indulgent edu rant about your daily rot pill. Well, honestly I'm probably well overall, but I wanted to vocalize some stuff and ironically without using my own voice. So get this, I know it's hard to believe because I am an insignificant, okay maybe that's too self deprecating, I am an average or regular person just like anyone else. And yet, I have unsavory figures who intend to be malicious to me. Such a claim may seem narcissistic and delusional but understand that even something as small as this Youtube channel garnishes negative attention that makes me uncomfortable. You don't see it but I deal with negative attention including but not limited to comments that pertain to various disgusting slander, persistent adds on social platforms, and threats of many kinds. That isn't to say I don't get a lot of love too, some of you viewers lurk, others interact with me and have motivated me to continue making what I consider this channel to be very raw emotional expression, it's.. it's ART! Anyhoo with that tangent aside, this night I felt particular alone. I typically thrive alone, dare I say prefer it, but tonight I felt a deep yearning. And despite how vulnerable this makes me sound, and I should remind you that I always wear my heart on my sleeve on this channel, I desperately clung to anything. I messaged many friends I hadn't talked to in awhile, I don't know why I felt so alone. There are people still in my everyday life who I cherish and adore, who I spent my days with, and yet I felt in these hours that I was so utterly crushed. As a developing adult I still question how I could go from a care free child, to a seasoned cultural man of thought. Mwhahaa, did you think I'd say something so negative about myself? Well probably. But anyways, I do feel troubled at times but still love who I am, and you should too. I also have to confess that the major projects I alluded to in the past have little to no progress, but still, I very much intend to expand this channel's self help aspect to professional lengths someday. It's hard for me to help other people while my own struggles persist, and struggles really never end no matter how strong or capable you are. That is life, so keep fighting. I have been getting interesting content recommended to me, many about people struggling to cope with the 21st century struggles, the 9-5 shifts, the realization of how little a month of vacation is and even then that's after many years of earning a month of time. Personally, I do not like my developing career, and I'm going to my 5th year of university, I'm in decent debt at that. But hey, is what it is. I feel trapped like most people do in this system. Another one of these videos talked about our government and society as a boat that stays afloat by conditioning us from birth to adulthood into being complacent with mediocrity and comfort in exchange for security. Ironically, this security makes us gatekeeped from greater heights. Most people don't ever leap from this boat but if they do many come right back. This analogy was from Youtuber "BECOME" on his video about moving abroad at a young age. This and among other videos made me consider my own path, on how I really am living by the book. I feel rather insecure financially, and honestly if I didn't, this life is rather lacking in many ways. I realize at 22 years of age, I feel like my life hasn't gone too far from 18. Now of course to many adults, 4 years isn't enough time for a lot of change, but I really mean I haven't accomplished too much since then. I'll spare the details, but take me on it, I am not where I should be or want to be. So what do I say to all this, is help? I don't know really, I'm not sure what I can get to help remedy these feelings, something as materialistic as money would be a temporary relief to most. But I think we all know that the human condition can be a greedy beast, we want conquest, we need drive. As you hear the incessant spewing of my consciousness you may even argue with these ideals, lest you find yourself agreeing with such tantalizing cess. So what? I'm bummed, I'm lonely, is there a message I want to convey? Yeah there is. Do what you want. Seriously, I don't care if what you want to do is vile, degenerative, or selfish. Living how you're supposed to versus how you want to is a miserable excuse for a life. You will regret and ponder on what could've been no matter how strong your mental fortitude is. I am blessed to have such willpower and capability, and even then I struggle with these ideas. I will live my life and find my way eventually, but for anyone in the position of freedom do as you please, your life is seriously your own. Do not let a single soul tell you to do something because you have to or should, it's drivel!