The Stupid Vaccine
Against my better judgement...
Eric Schwartz (C) 2021
The Stupid Vaccine
They came up with a vaccine
To cure stupidity
But none of the stupid people would take it
They said it only works for 95%
Or “we don’t trust the government”
Or the evil scientists at big Pharma who make it”
Or “we’re protected ‘cuz we eat spirulina
Or “start our mornings with a bowl of Wheatena”
or “took a potion from a shaman in Lima”
or “have a daily regimen involving Noxema”
Now the scientists all warn against
The proliferation of variants
That happens when a pathogen is breeding
But take comfort for we’ve often seen
That nature tends to intervene
When the garden of humanity needs weeding
And stupid is as stupid does
And they’re as stupid as they ever was
All the scissor-runners and tide pod takers
Open carriers and spring breakers
Now we all await the word
The great thinning has occurred
And all that’s left is a healthy herd
So we can raise our children undeterred
In the absence of the uninnoculated
’Til the memory of stupidity has faded