Abusing the Ones You Are Afraid to Lose
The narcissist abuses his intimate partners, significant others, and nearest and dearest because it helps him to regulate his excruciating abandonment anxiety in 4 ways:
(1) Devaluing others restores his sense of superiority and grandiosity;
(2) He preempts his own abandonment by precipitating it and, thus, controlling the situation;
(3) His abusive conduct helps him to learn more about his "loved" ones by observing their reactions and this added information alleviates his anxiety;
(4) Abuse works: it leads to the modification of the victims' behavior and to submissiveness.
There are 5 effective coping styles:
(1) Submissiveness;
(2) Counterdependent/conflictive stance;
(3) Mirroring;
(4) Collusion;
(5) Displacement (redirecting the abuse at third parties) which is a form of cultish shared psychosis.