$stdout - Datetime
Lyrics below. If time is just a social construct, can I please stop debugging these annoying, janky, nonsensical issues with time in my code?
(Chorus)
Datetime, datetime, datetime
I’m just trying to make our screens show the same time
Time bomb in the test, yeah it’s flake time
Timezone don’t make sense, make me hate time
Datetime, datetime
Wait, did it just break? Headache time
Never had a great time with a datetime
Always waste time on these motherf***ing datetimes
Users saying their display is a day off
Just live where I live, man I hate y’all
How come you care so much anyway?
Stop staring at my timestamps all day
Bug tickets, I swear I’m gonna lose it
They said quick fix, use Unix
Ok, so I gave that a try
Now my users seeing 1969
I’ma run for president 2024
Vote for me, I got 2 policies
1. If you’re not on UTC that’s a felony
2. DST has the death penalty
Thought I was smart but this s*** is so hard
Spend an hour looking at a time zone chart
Working on a bug fix, so hopeful
All I did is add .toLocale()
(Chorus)
Datetime, datetime, datetime
I’m just trying to make our screens show the same time
Time bomb in the test, yeah it’s flake time
Timezone don’t make sense, make me hate time
Datetime, datetime
Wait, did it just break? Headache time
Never had a great time with a datetime
Always waste time on these motherf***ing datetimes
You show a date time, show a time zone
You show a time zone, make sure it’s my zone
Always get the wrong time when it’s runtime
Who invented time zones? F*** sunshine
S***’s glitching cause our server clocks drifted
Somehow we got a 5 minute difference
Timestamp looking like it comes from the future
When I say f***, y’all say computers
F*** computers
F*** computers
Foreal we got beef, I need a timestamp tutor
I don’t do timestamps, tell the recruiter
In my contract, no datetime doer
Fix for a user always breaks for the next
Plus I got trash time stubs in my tests
Got datetimes when I really wanted dates
And my CI breaks every February 28th
(Chorus)
Datetime, datetime, datetime
I’m just trying to make our screens show the same time
Time bomb in the test, yeah it’s flake time
Timezone don’t make sense, make me hate time
Datetime, datetime
Wait, did it just break? Headache time
Never had a great time with a datetime
Always waste time on these motherf***ing datetimes