$stdout - Onsites
Lyrics below. Onsites sound great until it's time to actually go. Can you just attach an iPad to some wheels and I'll attend virtually?
(Chorus)
It’s a onsite, we just reopened
Everybody’s like “yay!”, inside I’m groaning
Everybody’s going, so I guess I’m going
Back to the office plans, got me cheering on COVID
But free food, free drinks, free snacks
Mmmm for that, I suppose I’ll go back
Pack up by bags, seeing the team next week
It’s just a little onsite, how bad could it be?
Hi, hello, nice to meet you in the flesh
I’ve only seen you from the neck up, it’s weird to see your legs
Low key, I know I’m shorter than what all of y’all expected
It’s awkward when you look me up and down but don’t address it
Handshakes, all sweat, what to do next…
How are people supposed to act in the office? I forget
Pull my phone out my pocket act like I just got a text
But I didn’t, I just move my thumb around for a sec
Out of habit I check Slack, like it’s any other day
Then remember everyone is here, like 6 feet away
I gotta talk, like with my mouth, if I wanna communicate
But if I can’t send memes and gifs, I ain’t got nothing to say
I miss my cat, I miss my dog, I’m ready to leave
I miss my bed sheets, and farting when I please
I should’ve told my boss I had somewhere to be
Damn, this is gonna be a long a** week
(Chorus)
It’s a onsite, we just reopened
Everybody’s like “yay!”, inside I’m groaning
Everybody’s going, so I guess I’m going
Back to the office plans, got me cheering on COVID
But free food, free drinks, free snacks
Mmmm for that, I suppose I’ll go back
Pack up by bags, seeing the team next week
It’s just a little onsite, how bad could it be?
I try to actually write some code, I’m too distracted, I just can’t
I’m so out of my routine, I’m not used to wearing pants
Toilet paper here’s too rough, I’m hungry, when is lunch?
Veggie options all suck, at home I eat 3 times this much
It’s an onsite right? So we gotta spend time together
Dine together, 9 to 5, put our minds together
Bond together, karaoke sing songs together
Cry together, trust falls Kumbaya together
Team events, back to back to back to back
To back, to back, to back, to back, I can’t relax
I am so f***ing tired
I just wanna lay in my hotel bed and watch The Wire
It’s gonna take me like a month to recover
This was great, but let’s agree that we don’t have to see each other
In the Uber headed to the airport
Message from my boss said, “hey we should do this every quarter!”