I Chose Estrangement—Here's What Nobody Tells You
If You've Estranged From Family, I See You. Here's What I've Learned.
I've been seeing videos on social media about estrangement that take a certain position—and I have an alternative view to share.
What I Don't Hear in Those Other Videos:
Any acknowledgement of the parent's role. Any acknowledgement of their contribution to the child's decision to estrange.
Here's what I know: In any conflict, both people sit on what I call the fault scale. You're never 0% or 100% at fault. We're all somewhere in the 20-80% range, probably closer to 50-50.
But when you're dealing with people who are not healed, not healing, not willing to acknowledge their own contributions or do their own work—those people can be very challenging.
Chapter:
0:00 An Alternative View on Estrangement
01:15 My Story: 10-12 Years Estranged
02:24 We're All Survivors
04:46 The Fault Scale (You're Not 100% Wrong)
07:05 Ambiguous Loss: Grief With No Closure
09:30 Repelling Magnets & Protecting Your Peace
11:45 I See You
If You've Made the Choice to Estrange:
I see you. I've felt the pain that led you to that place. I've also felt the consequences. It's not a good place to be. It's a lose-lose for everyone.
It's not a solution I'd offer. But I get it. Sometimes we feel like we don't have any other choice.
There are very real reasons you made that decision. And those reasons matter.
How to Heal:
Turning inward through deep self-discovery work. Understanding who you are, why you behave the way you do, and why you chose to estrange. Understanding that all of those choices and actions were about survival.
You're a survivor. So are they. And that acceptance was what eventually allowed me to try to re-engage with my family.
Healing is ultimately about coming to a place of love. Getting there requires understanding yourself, your behaviors, and your survival patterns.
If you've seen videos that make you feel like you've done something wrong for choosing to estrange or for trying to protect your peace, I hope this offers you an alternative, hopeful viewpoint.
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Have you experienced estrangement or ambiguous loss? Share your story in the comments—you're not alone.
More Resources: 📖 Book: Becoming an Empowered Survivor → https://empoweredsurvivors.com/books 🎙️ Let's HEAL! with Beth Jones podcast - Episode on Ambiguous Loss with Diane Ihrig (linked) 💙 FREE Healing Quick Start Guide → https://empoweredsurvivors.com/heal