the relationship between scrolling and controlling anxiety
There's a part of you who wants to never have to feel any stress or pain, to feel embarrassed, to fail or to feel shame.
The part of you that wants to control how much money you have, how much influence or impact you have, and how much you are liked and accepted.
Often, when we automatically go to scroll, we’re not really there for the content (the things we watch, read and listen to). We’re there for the process and the associated feeling (numbing and subconsciously trying to control)
We’re not honest with ourselves (and our therapists!) about our verbs
We tell ourselves we are researching, when actually we are comparing
We say we are relaxing, when actually we are numbing
We say we are checking when actually we are distracting
Instead of surrendering to the fact that we ultimately can’t control things like:
How our children behave (they have free will)
How many followers we will get
How much money we will make
It feels incredibly uncomfortable to surrender so staying with the illusion of control can become a breeding ground for addiction. We ultimately numb, distract, avoid and control things to avoid pain.
Control blocks surrender, which then takes us into addiction and burnout.
The Ego’s job is to keep reinforcing your addiction with control (if I repeat this behaviour, I won’t keep feeling pain).
There’s nothing inherently bad or good about our Ego, it’s just a vehicle.
If you’re scrolling more than you’d like then start with honesty and the practise of pausing to ask yourself – “what am I actually doing here?”
For example:
“I’m just checking my DMs” maybe means “I want to feel appreciated”
“I’m just seeing how that post is performing” might mean “I want to feel recognised and valued”
Be mindful to check in with any “I’ll be happy when…” statements. If you look for them, you’ll see them more often. I have multiple a day! Usually along the lines of:
“I’ll be happy/less busy/less stressed when my X launches”
“I’ll be happy when my kids are at school full time, or that project is finished and I’ll have X more time to work on my business”
Our goals tend to be moving targets. There is no ultimate “I feel complete” now. There is no guarantee that because you’ve had your fair share of pain, this will protect you from having more.
Less control, more surrender. No amount of liking, commenting and sharing videos will help you feel a complete sense of mastery and an absence of pain.
Something to be mindful of as we all anxiously start to monitor our progress with goals X
Erin
My books:
More than a healthy baby: Finding Strength and Growth After Birth Trauma
https://amzn.to/3WOTOfs
My first book that I wrote after two traumatic births of my own. Pick up and put down, it’s loaded with information about birth trauma and how to cope.
Social Media Detox for Mums: A new way to find balance
https://amzn.to/3jWTCfA
This is my latest book. How often have you said something like “I should be on social media less” but haven’t had much success at sticking to it? Have we replaced relaxation with numbing and scrolling instead of true fun? I give a 5 step plan for how to reduce or quit socials in a way that’s kind and evidence based.
My Website: https://doctorerin.com.au/
Mental health courses I teach: https://doctorerin.com.au/shop
Inquiries: [email protected]