era xii: look who’s inside again - bo burnham (cover)
Sorry that I haven’t been uploading much online for the past month. I’ve been struggling with what fics to write on AO3 and what songs to cover here. Aside from that, I’ve also been really, like more busy than I normally am during summer.
Still, I wanted to release at least one more song before I end Era XII and move on to whatever I decide to do next. Recently, Bo Burnham popped up in my mind, specifically his “Inside” special. I really connect to this album, though I haven’t listened to much of it, but “Look Who’s Inside Again” definitely spoke to me the most.
I wouldn’t call myself antisocial, but I’ve definitely been a shut-in most of my life. I don’t really like partying or going out, most of my hobbies are a one-person thing, and when I am around people, I usually don’t like talking too much.
It’s not that I don’t like people- more so, I think, it’s just the fear of messing up with interactions. Like, if I tell someone about my interests, they’ll just laugh at me, or if I disagree with them on something, I’ll be called an asshole and nobody will ever want to talk to me again. It’s an unhealthy mindset to be in, and it’s actually stopped me from enjoying life for a really long time.
It got worse after the pandemic ended: I remember a period of about two years where I barely went out at all. That started around the time when I started getting serious about this whole YouTube thing, and I really feel bad for the 14-year-old who was making those Gacha videos while trying to fix his deteriorating mental health by himself. I don’t like looking back at my past that much, but I’ll never be mad at myself for simply not knowing how to handle things.
I’ve been slowly recovering over the past year. Actually, that’s part of the reason why I’ve been so busy this summer; I’m actually doing things with my friends in my real life, unrelated to my art or my content. Honestly, this summer, though one of the most hectic, has definitely been the happiest I’ve felt in a really long time.
But even still, I do struggle with breaking out of my old habits. I still find myself alone and having to entertain myself pretty often. I’ve found, though, that it’s fine to like alone time, just that balancing that with a bit of social interaction is also necessary.
This cover is a reflection on the past few years where my anxiety was getting in the way of me living my life. I feel like I was always meant to talk about this eventually, and with how open I’ve been about my mental health recently, I felt like it was right to release it now.
If you feel like you’ve trapped yourself inside with your worries about what other people think about you, here’s my advice: nobody really cares. I’m serious. Nobody really cares about what’s cool or what’s lame. Nobody really cares about when someone is cool or lame. I feel like we only think that because being seen as cool or trending or popular is so engrained into social media that we just assume the world is like that.
But what actually matters is you. Not what other people think about you, just you. People who take time out of their day to make fun of you aren’t worth your attention- find friends who support you because they care, not because they think you’re cool. Honestly, life gets so much better once you stop caring about what other people think about you.
I might make an animatic of this song before I wrap up Era XII, but for now, this is the end of “alone”. My next cover album will probably be the last of the eras. I honestly don’t know why I started doing these- maybe because of Taylor Swift, I don’t know.
Anyways, though, thank you all so much for sticking around. I’m so grateful for all the support you guys have been giving my more emotional content. It really gives me motivation to keep doing what I love, even if it’s a bit out of my comfort zone to talk about my feelings.
Until next time!
Rey 💛