Why 'Good and Kind' People Get Hurt More - I Hurt Myself (English Auto-Dubbing available)
This video is a condensed, subtitled, and edited 17-minute summary of Dr. Gabor Maté's 2-hour and 20-minute Sunday live lecture on traumatic stress and anger, based on his lectures "The Myth of Normal" and "When the Body Says No."
Dr. Maté believes that many of the common sense beliefs we take for granted are not actually "normal" but abnormal.
In particular, modern society offers a "toxic culture" that harms both the body and mind, and most people live with traumatic stress.
Healing does not begin with erasing or reinterpreting past memories, but with recognizing the wounds and restoring the connection between body, mind, and relationships, thereby restoring wholeness in life.
Chronic and persistent stress makes people sick.
Over the past several decades, numerous studies have found a link between certain personality traits and cancer. For example, those who lacked emotional bonds and empathy from their parents in childhood, tended to suppress their emotions (especially anger), had weak relationships with caring and supportive individuals, and exhibited altruistic and compulsive devotion that neglected self-care—those with these conditions were at significantly higher risk of breast cancer.
Another study found that "extreme anger suppression" was a common trait among breast cancer patients.
A 1970s British study found that extreme anger suppression was the most common personality trait among breast cancer patients. Dr. Sandra Levy and her colleagues at the National Cancer Institute in the United States also observed that "anger suppression, passiveness, and resignation coping styles" were biological risk factors for impaired immune function and cancer progression.
Dr. Maté explains, "Anger suppression increases cancer risk because it exposes the body to persistent, excessive physiological stress." If you fail to recognize or express anger even when your boundaries are violated or inappropriate, it can ultimately increase your risk of developing cancer.
Ultimately, a lifestyle driven by the inner voice that says, "I'm always inadequate," constantly pushing yourself and suppressing your emotions creates conditions that expose you to various diseases through hormonal changes and a weakened immune system.
Particularly, if you feel from childhood that no matter how hard you try, you cannot receive parental approval or love, you may develop a tendency to be addicted to approval, but at the same time, you may exhibit harsh perfectionist tendencies toward yourself.
While outwardly, they often appear kind and generous, dedicating themselves to others, they often harbor chronic, repressed anger deep within. In these cases, some hormones promote tumor growth, while others disrupt the immune system, impairing the ability to eliminate cancer cells.
The research points out that the secretion of stress hormones is linked to the emotional centers of the brain, suggesting that chronic emotional stress can create a cancer-causing environment through hormonal changes. Citing research from the National Cancer Institute (NCI), breast cancer patients who expressed anger, had aggressive behaviors, and received social support had higher NK cell (natural killer) cell activity than those who did not. This suggests that emotional attitudes and social connections can significantly influence cancer progression.
Dr. Maté cited data from a longitudinal study conducted in the United States over a decade, revealing that the greatest risk factor for cancer development and death was not smoking or cholesterol levels, but rather "rationality/anti-emotionality (R/A)."
R/A tendencies, in short, refer to a tendency to suppress emotions, particularly anger, resulting in a quiet and gentle personality.
The study found that the group with the highest anger suppression tendencies had a 40-fold higher cancer incidence rate than the group with the lowest anger suppression scores. The surprising finding was that smokers developed lung cancer only when their anger suppression scores were high.
Smokers who expressed their emotions well did not develop lung cancer.
From this, the researchers concluded that "for the lung-damaging effects of cigarettes to manifest, the 'fuel' of emotional repression must be added."
So, does this mean we should no longer be kind to those around us?
Should we live our lives expressing our anger freely?
Is practicing "being kind" rather than asserting "I am right" dangerous and increasing the risk of cancer?
No.
While suppressing anger when it's already triggered is extremely dangerous (psychologist James Gross's research consistently shows that emotional repression is bad), a healthier option is to avoid feeling angry in the first place.
The optimal state is one in which there's no anger to suppress.
Today's lecture will discuss how to achieve this optimal state, as well as how to choose a less-than-optimal state as an intermediate step.
[Original lecture - Live lecture on July 27, 2025 at 8:00 PM]
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