I AM NOT INSANE - animation meme
please read caption, it’s important.
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demon pegasus, and my ponysona representing my ocd and me? yeah. the main concept/story behind this animation meme i did, is that it’s supposed to portray me in “following” my ocd and then NOT wanting to follow it as it can trick me and make me fall into panic/depressive episodes and such. my animation also is showing that when night falls it can be hard to make you deal with your mind. it can choose to trick you easier. i don’t want to believe my ocd nor follow it, but subconsciously at times i do. without intending to. i constantly tell myself, or “it”, i don’t care. i don’t WANT TO CARE, about the irrationality it gives me. it makes me….think of. ocd is just like a demon, no matter how much you try to get rid it, or of the awful thoughts it throws at you in your mind, you fucking can’t. it’s not just anxiety, it’s irrational constant thoughts. you know it’s not real what it says but yet it’s hard to just ignore it. because it’s strong. it’s sending someone to a point where they do actually go insane, fall into depressive episodes, and have panic attacks. i have before, plenty of times in my life. crying, in my room, the bath, outside. days that i don’t tell anyone it’s happening because i just simply don’t have the energy to. i just try to get through my life with this thing i unfortunately was born with, pretty much every day. i work with it, try to do everything i can do to distract my mind from my traumatic memories my ocd gives me, but sometimes, it’s just hard. and i know that bad days happen but lately it’s just been so exhausting. ocd is relentless and i wish i didn’t have it but unfortunately i do so all i can do is find my ways to cope with it. and i do, through my art, and edits. in this animation notice how the word, galaxies, is in quotations. i put it in quotes because, those “galaxies” mean traumatic memories. makes sense for what is going on in the drawings i did for my video. throughout it too, if it is noticeable, the demon pegasus is turning grey, as it goes on. i tried to start out with only shading half of her, and then throughout the frames, you see her get darker. she says “i am not insane” as in: i’m not crazy for making you think these things. they are “what if’s”, and they can be real. and me, i say “i don’t really care now.” meaning, i don’t care, or want to care about these thoughts because i know they aren’t true. and then later the demon pegasus (my ocd) says “i don’t really care now.” too. meaning my ocd doesn’t care of the horrible anxiety it causes me and it likes to make me feel awful and distressed. basically, it is my ocd speaking to me and stuff; me fighting to not listen to it. i often treat it as a different entity because this can help me. to view it as a demon to kill it mentally. so i hope me explaining all that deep stuff makes sense for what is going on. and i slowed down the song, to give off the more creepy, dark vibe to it with my animation. i am really REALLY proud of this!!! i had a stopping point with it for a bit, since i got extremely busy with university but i’m happy it’s finally done now and i get to share a quick dark story. i like to show how i express myself and my art, because some people can connect and relate with it too.
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you are never alone for what you are going through mentally, most of us have disorders, it’s just about doing what you know helps to get through your hard days.
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