#Storytime
In this #Storytime video, I tell the story about my mom dying. Losing a parent is almost certainly always a formidable process, but when one's relationship is complicated by a long history of abuse, an already difficult and painful situation becomes even more of an agonizing ordeal. When my mother died, so many thoughts and emotions flooded my psyche and I still have not finished the processing and healing process, now over 2 years later. Even at the end of her life, my mother found ways to reject and hurt me; to make me wrong; to make things my fault -- including her illness. I had not anticipated her accusations and the pain of how she punished and rejected me during her last days of life. I tried so hard to remain humble; to be selfless, for at least as she was dying, she had somewhere to direct her anger. I hope it helped her somehow...but to this day I am left with a shattered heart, haunted with no peace. I loved my mom very much despite the abuse, and I had so hoped that we could reconcile on some level. It was so difficult that I have not been able to speak about things much before now. I hope she is at peace and am relieved that she is no longer suffering. I just wish so much things could have been different.
I am telling this story to catharse and to share with those of you who have followed me for years and know the painful history I had with my mom.
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I love you Mama, despite everything.
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Special thanks to my sweet, loving puggies, who offered cuddles and support throughout.