Feeling Again: Confronting Difficult Emotions Along The Healing Journey [For Sophie; TWR]
"We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if to teach us how not to need." ~Marya Hornbacher
This quote, for me, embodies the dark reality of ED immersion -- and what we must confront in seeking Healing. ED's are coping mechanisms at their heart -- not about food; not about weight -- they're about self-annihilation and rejection of need. For those of us Living with eating disorders, we "got this way" because our minds found a maladaptive, but initially effective, means of security in suppressing, oppressing and denying our needs -- mental, physical and spiritual. If you do not feel, you can't be hurt...and if you don't admit your needs, no one can first provide for them, and then take that support away. THIS IS THE DRIVING FORCE OF THE ED EXPERIENCE ITSELF: FEAR! Ultimately, it fails miserably, and we end up even more terrified; broken by the condition. The ED Voice grows louder; the pathology becomes bigger than we are; consumes us; pushes us into an ever-downward spiral of self-loathing and despair; pushing us to cross lines we never fathomed crossing; evolving into an all-out war on the self. At some point, our previously-effective, pathological attempts to regulate emotions and cope with negatives lose their purpose and function, and we become trapped within this mess we never wanted in the first place. ED's are, at their core, maladaptive attempts to attempt to protect ourselves; to NOT FEEL and NOT NEED -- because we are afraid and cannot stand being hurt, abandoned or feeling weak or fragile. The devastating thing is, our illness can ultimately be the instrument of our own demise; pushing people away and draining our own vitality and health. Thus, the Recovery Path is fraught with a LOT of difficult emotions, and a Journey of learning new, nontoxic, reliable ways to cope with all the thoughts, fears and feelings we have so long concealed beneath pathology. IT IS POSSIBLE, and with time, IT DOES GET EASIER! :)
Beloved Sophie, I am SO proud of you for facing this! I know it is scary and weird to be feeling so much, but it WILL level out and not always be that way. We go through a new maturation process in a way; addressing the Healing Path. You're doing awesome in voicing your fears, and allowing those tears to come is an amazing and necessary part of the Healing process. SO PROUD OF YOU!
~*Much Love and Be Well, Precious Ones!*~
xoxox!
~AnaGirlEmpath for togetherweR
Personal Contact Info:
/ anagirlempath
/ anagirlempath
/ projectshapeshift
#eatingdisorders #anorexia #bulimia #EDNOS #Abuse #Trauma #Healing #feelings #emotions #recovery #togetherwer #support