12 Days of Christmas | Poem by Andrew James Crawford
12 Days of Christmas
By Andrew James Crawford
12 Days of Christmas, You Know that it is more
As it starts from September, that should be ’gainst the law!
The star and bourballs, the fake Christmas tree
Meat and the brussels, those ain’t good for me!
Each year as a parent We all tell a lie
If we told the real story the children would cry
No fairies, no Rudolf , No hard working Elf
No presents, no Stockings you hang on the shelf
I once was a Santa, so I did play One
The Kids said “Cor Blimey, you been in the Sun ?”
I turned round and said with a big cheeky grin
Yo Yo Ho kids, flask out lid off took a swig of my gin
Then Christ-mas tunes they will play from the charts
On radio, on TV and all shopping Marts
If I was more clever then I’d have wrote one
Fat cheques every year, now that would be fun
A present for granny, the uncles and Fred
Wrapped months in advance and hid under the bed
Like most men who think that this time is a bore
Will purchase all presents just one day before
Set table and chairs place the candle near plate
New shirt, shoes and frock like we’re on a blind date
The food is prepared all that’s left is the guests
Four, five and that’s six now forget ‘bout the rest
No sooner than swallowing the big juicy bird
You hear ads on TV that sounds so absurd
The over-priced wide screen that was sent in the mail
Is now down to half price in the Boxing Day sale
So Dinner is done and you sink in the chair
Belt open, zip down , belly high in the air
Its now been 2 hours since you’ve slept from the scene
Eyes open, you ask “where’s the pudding and cream?”
The day is a good one much laughter and fun
You’re shattered you’re tired, high 5 and well done
It’s now 2 o’ clock and you head for your bed
Thank Gosh it’s not 12 days but 1 day instead
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